Fotograph Fridays!

How I get the shots…

Hey! I actually held to my previous promises! I’ve recently been diving back into my photography, and I know a while back I promised a look at my Photographers Kit, so that’s what we are doing this week! Keep your eyes open as well! I’ll be starting to sell my prints online in the near future! Still working out the logistics of that though. So, if you’ve been reading for a while, you’ve seen my photos before. Photos like this…

Or this…

Either way, you’ve likely seen my work before. Well now you get to know the secret behind all of it. The first piece of any good photographers kit is well obviously a camera, you can’t do much without it. There are two cameras I use regularly, and one of them you’ll probably be surprised by.

The first camera at my disposal should be one that you’re pretty familiar with, it’s one that sits in our pockets daily. In this case my particular brand of phone is the new Google Pixel 4 XL. It takes some truly incredible photographs.

The second camera at my disposal is probably a little more what you were expecting out of my kit. I’m running a Sony A7 II, Full Frame Mirror-less Camera. The great thing about mirror-less is what you see is what you get in most cases. This particular camera boasts a pretty wide range of settings as well, with wi-fi capabilities that allow for remote control via Cell Phone. Attached is the standard Sony FE 28 – 70mm f3.5 – 5.6 OSS lens.

Now that cameras have been established. Lets talk lenses. You’ve already seen one of them, in the previous photograph. The Sony FE 28 – 70mm f3.5 – 5.6 OSS lens allows for a wide variety of control, and offers the most robust functionality as it is designed for use with the Sony Alpha Series cameras. It’s the one I find myself most often using because of its versatility, and the added zoom functionality. My biggest complaint is generally the size of the lens, as it does tend to add a fair amount of weight to the system in use.

The next lens in my kit is the Rokinon T 3.1 14mm ED AS IF UMC De-clicked Cinema Lens. This lens serves a dual purpose, I opted for the de-clicked cinema lens on the chance I ever use the A7 for videography (Though I have no plans to in the near future). This lens however does boast an insane field of view, and is borderline fish eye. Some of my best photographs have been as a result of this lens. The downside, it’s massive, and adds a significant amount of weight to the camera, it also does not allow for any autofocus as a result of it being de-clicked.

The final lens in my kit (for now) is the Samyang AF 35mm/f2.8 Prime Lens. This lens is short, light and versatile allowing for a plethora of uses, from portrait photography, to quick point and shoot auto-focus shots. So far, I haven’t found any downsides to this lens, and will often times use this lens when i’m using my Peak Design Capture Clip (You’ll see that a little later).

Another important aspect of a photographer’s kit, Lighting. Proper lighting is key, key, KEY to getting a great shot. Without adequate lighting a Photographer is often left with flat photographs, or photos with harsh shadows when dealing in portrait photography. I have two tools in my kit to help alleviate these problems.

The first of these two tools, is a collapsible reflector. One of the greatest assets to a photographer is natural light, and on a sunny or even overcast day, there’s a plethora of light at your disposal, the reflector allows the photographer with help from another person to augment light subtly and fill in shadows as needed.

The second of my tools, does not rely on the sun, to help alleviate shadows. Pictured above is the Genaray LED-6200T, 144 LED Variable Color On Camera Light. This battery operated light is Hot Shoe compatible and is versatile enough to match most lighting conditions. Most of the pictures seen above at least of the camera and lenses were filled in using this light. The kit comes with battery, charger, and a standard US power adapter, as well as car adapter, should you need more power than the battery provides.

Last in the kit are miscellaneous tools, that just help me when i’m out and about. I’ll go into those few items now.

One of my newest, and favorite additions to my kit is the Peak Design Capture Clip. Using the two wheels it loosens up and clips in place on any standard leather belt. The plate itself pops off, and screws into place using a standard allen key screw that locks it tightly to the camera, the quick release ability allows me to capture on the fly, and without the use of a bulky strap. The Peak Design plate also allows you to swap between any of their products without changing plates, it’s a truly unique and fantastic platform.

Another important tool, one that is oft overlooked is a decent tripod. At the moment i’m locked into a small tabletop tripod, as I can’t afford a larger one yet (They get prohibitively expensive, quickly). But, a tripod is key to taking stable photographs, especially when dealing with long exposures, and night photography.

This particular item is less of a tool, and more of a photography augment. This is a portable Lensball, with the suction cup tripod mount. It allows for unique photos and is produced with lens grade crystal. I hope to use this more going forward.

The last tool, in any photographers kit is software. As with most I stick to the adobe products, leveraging Lightroom, Lightroom Classic, and Photoshop for all of my photography editing needs. My biggest suggestion for those starting out with the editing process. Make sure you’ve got a large memory card, or multiples at your disposal. You are going to want to shoot in RAW, as it offers you the most versatility when it comes to editing your photographs.

So, that’s my kit. That’s how I get the photographs you see either here, or on Facebook/Instagram. My last suggestion to all, who are learning. Experiment, Experiment, Experiment! we are never perfect, and as a photographer the day you think you’ve mastered your craft, is the day you stop growing. There is always something to be learned! If you are interested in purchasing any of the gear seen above I’ve left links at the bottom for you to check out. Next post will likely be in two weeks after my trips to Philly and Boston.

Until next time…

Dave

Links:

1. Sony A7 II with Sony FE 28 – 70mm f3.5 – 5.6 OSS lens
2. Rokinon T 3.1 14mm ED AS IF UMC De-clicked Cinema Lens
3. Samyang AF 35mm/f2.8 Prime Lens
4. Impact 7-in-1 Collapsible Reflector Disk 42″
5. Genaray LED-6200T, 144 LED Variable Color On-Camera Light
6. Peak Design Capture Camera Clip v3 (Black)
7. Pedco Ultrapod II Tabletop Tripod with Mini Ball Head
8. Lensball Pocket 60mm
9. AmazonBasics SLR Camera Sling Backpack Bag – 8 x 6 x 16.5 Inches, Black
10. Google Pixel 4 XL

The End of a Decade, A Retrospective.

Holiday Decor at the park outside Hudson Yards/34th Street Station – November 20th, 2019 taken with Google Pixel 4 XL Night Sight.

It’s definitely been a while again, and I’m sorry for that. I’m thinking moving forward I’m going to make this a twice a month thing. I should be able to commit to that pretty easily. As the picture suggests the holidays are just around the corner. With Thanksgiving next week, Christmas and New Years not too far after that. If i’m being honest with myself it feels like time flew by this year. A friend of mine says that tends to happen with aggressive sweeping changes. There were plenty of those in my life to say the least.

Not only are these holidays coming up, the start of a new decade is upon us. Another thing that’s truly hard to believe. At the start of this decade, I was still a student at Dutchess Community College, My grandfather, Joseph was still alive and mostly well too.

In that decade, I graduated from college 3 times. Started my first job, and realized how much I hated it (Sorry Joe, Not that you’ll ever read this), wound up back at my alma mater where I spent the next five years of my career working for the Media Center. I made friends, and I lost friends. I worked through Depression, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder; I learned, and I grew.

Now, here I stand in the laundromat in Queens, typing this while the washer does it’s thing. This decade was truly a year of change, and while the first 9 years went relatively slow; things changed drastically in the last.

As much as I may have complained in the past, I am thankful. Thankful for the experiences. Thankful for the family that supported me. Thankful for the friends I’ve made, and the friends that i’ve lost. Everything happens for a reason, and I think that reason was ultimately to get me to the place I stand today (Well maybe not literally, no one strives to stand in a laundromat). But the point stands, don’t give up, and don’t give in. You never know what lies around the corner. It might just be the start of something great.

Next post will likely be the first week of December, Have a fantastic thanksgiving all, and cheers to 2020, may it be another decade of great change.

Until next time…

Dave

So much for steady

I admit it, I’ve had every intention of doing this steadily but as a recent revisiting friend said, sometimes it’s okay to take a little break when its what’s right for you. Hoping that friend enjoyed her recent trip thoroughly, and I wish her luck with the start of her internship today.

It’s back to full weeks of work this week which I am not complaining about at all, as I’ve desperately needed income. Getting an apartment set up, and organized, is not cheap at all. Every time I go to cook something I find out oh, hey I don’t have the ingredients necessary to do this. Time to scooter up to the store, and buy another 15$ in groceries. Sadly it adds up quick.

Other than that, I love where I live. I’ve gotten used to the frequent fly bys that planes make as they land in LaGuardia. The proximity to the airport will be clutch when I do start to travel again. Sunnyside has begun setting up the Christmas decorations, which isn’t surprising I guess when you consider how long it probably takes to get them all set up. The MTA is still garbage, so nothing changes I guess. Between the Shuttles I was stuck taking to flushing this weekend, and today’s debacle getting to work; I’m hopeful that tomorrow might be a little easier.

Looks like this week was just another stream of consciousness post, i’ll work towards having a discernible lesson in next weeks.

Until next time…

Dave

So much for Schedules

Normally, today would be Fotograph Friday, but life has been a little too chaotic lately for me to get into a routine again. I’m going to work towards it once I settle in for sure. Overall, I can’t complain, i’m living in the city I wanted to live in since I was a child, and my roommates are pretty fantastic so far. For today’s posting, we are going to talk a little bit about schedules, and I use the term schedules loosely, as I truly mean life goal timelines more so than schedules.

The world is a fantastically busy place, we are constantly running, constantly moving, constantly evolving. The world and society tells us that we have a timetable we have to adhere to in order to succeed. It goes something like this… Successful Job you love right out of College, Living on your own by 24/25, in a serious committed relationship by 27, Married by 30, Own a home by 32, Kids by 35, 35 years of successful anniversaries, retirement at 65, and then sometime after that the inevitable end. Honestly, it’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever read, and further, ever had to type up.

THERE IS NO TIMELINE FOR A SUCCESSFUL LIFE! I’ll say it again for those in the back, NO TIMELINE… FOR… A… SUCCESSFUL… LIFE! The notion that you need to hit these milestones, at completely arbitrary age selections is absurd. Lets look at my life, Dropped out of SUNY Oswego at 18, after a semester of schooling, Went to SUNY Dutchess for Two and Half years, Transferred to Marist College for another Two years. Graduated with my Bachelors at 23. Had a job I hated, and that was abusive for 8 months right out of college. Quit that, Worked in a Deli, and at a Golf Course for a year and half. Finally, 6 months from my 25th birthday I wound up in a Job I didn’t hate, and one that I was relatively good at. Did that job for the next five years, while I worked on finishing up my Masters, and at 29, I finished up my Masters, got a Job in Manhattan, and moved out of my parents house for the first time. A full five years, after you are expected to quote on quote move out and live on your own.

Everyone has a path, and your path is no less or more successful than my path. Whether you actually hit the milestones when society tells you that you are supposed to, or you hit them later in life, the point is, you still hit them. You still made it, and you still succeeded in getting there. My advice today, is stop holding yourself to unrealistic standards, stop trying to race to the finish line, the finish line isn’t that great anyway, it’s the one thing that all of share in life, other than birth. Why be in a rush to get it over with. Enjoy every minute you have, take a breath, and realize that no matter what happens, no matter how long it takes, you are still going to get there, and in the end, that’s all that matters.

That’s it for this week, as I said i’ll try to be more conscientious of keeping to a schedule.

Until next time…

Dave

Starting up, Starting Slow…

Welcome back readers! Greetings from Sunnyside and the month October! Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to this, and I know I’m off schedule at the moment. Starting next week I’ll be back at it on our normally scheduled dates. This week is honestly going to be an update on how the move went, and what the first week living in queens has been like (So far).

The move itself occurred last Saturday, my biggest stress leading up to it that week was just how the hell I was going to get all of the stuff I had packed up in boxes down. I considered a moving company, and a Uhaul, but ultimately my father and brother were willing to use their vehicles to help me move my stuff down. So Friday night we packed everything in, ironically Friday night was the first night the season change plague hit. Despite the blatant fever, and illness I was feeling the next morning. My Mother, Father and Brother, Andrew and I all piled into the cars and we made the drive down. No traffic luckily, and we made it in decent time. The rest went pretty quickly, unloaded the vehicles, put the bed frame together, built the Ikea cabinet. I’d like to give a shout out to my mother, father, and brother for the assistance with not only the move but also the build (and dealing with my insane stress level).

Sunday, I unfortunately spent the day bedridden and with fever, some introduction to Sunnyside. I did get to take advantage of the breaks in the fever to deck out my room a bit. Added some lights to the space, they turned out pretty great honestly, and they accent my room posters perfectly. Tuesday, I got to do a little more exploration of the area, came across the iconic Sunnyside painting they used, as the logo for the new NBC show. Found a couple nice grocery stores, found a cool little hole in the wall bar, a hardware store, and I’ve honestly barely scratched the surface. I’m looking forward to the time over the next week and a half I have off to indulge some photography, and some exploration. There’s a lot of great sites in Sunnyside so far, and i’m excited to see them all

Next week i’ll resume regular posting activities, starting with the weekly update on Tuesday, October 15th.

Until next time,

Dave

Moderating a Manhattan Meetup.

Lunch in the Flatiron District with my Aunt

I know I’m a bit behind this week, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks now that i’m dealing with the move in to Sunnyside. Work has also kept me busy which doesn’t help honestly (not that I’m complaining about the job, I do love it). I haven’t had time to dive into my photography recently for the same reasons. I’ve been diving into trying to furnish my apartment, I need to buy a new bed frame, a new mattress, a new desk, a curio cabinet, curtains, and so much more. It’s proving to be a pricey undertaking thus far.

But I’ve digressed for long enough this week. It’s time to deal with the topic at hand, it’s pretty spot on so far. In the last two weeks I’ve taken on a new undertaking, the task of moderating a NYC Meetup Discord server. One of the things that i’d been worried about when it came to meeting new friends in Manhattan was the how of it? I have some existing friends in the area already but for the most part they’re all as busy as I am. When it comes to free time, they barely have the time to hangout with me, no less introduce me to new people. Here enters our lovely front page of the internet, Reddit. An unlikely tool in the task of making new friendships, it’s been a godsend, especially considering I recently gave up all social media (A post about all of that to come soon). It is actually what lead to me moderating this discord server. For the uninitiated, Reddit is a series of topic driven pages in this particular case we are talking about a subpage or a subreddit called nycmeetups. This Reddit group allows users to post meetup opportunities, or in this case a discord server.

This discord server now houses nearly 400 New Yorkers across the six different boroughs. It’s allowed people whom would otherwise never had the opportunity to chat, not only do that but plan meetups of an impromptu nature and physically meet up and hangout. So far, I’ve met up with some at bars, gone and played pool with others, and hit up the Queens Night Fair with another group. It allowed me to find people to attend the Gareth Emery show with in October, and has helped me find friends who enjoy hanging out with me when I want to hang out with them. It’s been a breath of fresh air, and being moderator adds a level of notoriety to go along with all of this. People know who I am before I even meet up with them because they’ve communicated with me to have channels made within the server, and I’ve had an overwhelming presence in chatting.

So, if you are like me, and you are wondering about the best ways to make friends in your new locale, whether that be New York City, Chicago or Austin my suggestion is make a Reddit account, and start finding the local meetup subreddits. If no one has made one, figure out how to start it! If no one has created a discord server, administrate one, help facilitate friendships, and you’ll end up with a plethora of your own. A mistake is better than indecision, and I can assure you putting yourself out there is not a mistake, the indecision on acting, that is.

A shorter post this week, but hopefully the message is clear, put yourself out there, and start making new friendships. It only hurts you to close yourself off to the world, be happy, and happiness will find you.

Hopefully I can get on a more regular schedule again next week, I’ll be taking a short respite from a strictly NYC topic to actually speak to the topic of hobbies, i’ll even be interviewing a close friend of mine for the post!

Until next time…

Dave

Sunset in Sunnyside

This is the view I get to see every day when I hop on the subway

One of the most arduous tasks I have undertaken to date, has been the task of finding my new home in the City that Never Sleeps. It’s a process that has taken me well over eight weeks to successfully complete that task, and even still I haven’t signed the contract yet to officially state my intentions to move in. If you are looking to move to the area, and are wondering what to expect then keep reading. I’ll be sharing my experiences in the process, from what was successful to what wasn’t.

My first word of advice to the city newcomer, whatever time table you think you have, expect it to take at least twice the amount of time you’ve allocated. Honestly, I think the Red Wedding from Game of Thrones was less cut throat then trying to find an apartment in Manhattan. If you think that you’ve got time to make a decision after you view an apartment, you’re damned wrong. Unless you leave a deposit that day, there’s a real good chance that sucker is going to be gone in twenty-four hours. Be ready to write a check the day of if you really like a place, but be careful, being ready to write a check, and jumping on the first place you look at are two very different things. You’re going to have to live in it for at least 6 months, if not a year in most cases. Make sure you really like the area.

Second, and this comes from a someone I know. Don’t schedule appointments for apartments right away. If you have the opportunity to do so, go visit the locations, visit the areas in and around the boroughs. There’s a lot of different neighborhoods to chose from, each with their own pros and cons. I did not heed this persons advice, and I thoroughly regretted it, as I wasted countless hours looking at apartments I would never ever consider living in based on its location. All of this said, there will come a time when you are ready to look at apartments, and with this piece of advice comes my next piece. Schedule as many viewings as possible in a single day. One of my biggest problems, and failures in this process was the fact that often times I was seeing one apartment, after work each day. This adds unnecessary turn over time to finding a place. Do your best to work with the people whose apartments you are viewing to find a common time that works for multiple. You’ll thank yourself later.

Third, if you have a group of people you are going in on a place with, or you are making well over six figures in your fancy new job; fantastic, you can actually skip over this one as it doesn’t apply to you. For those of you like myself, whom all of their existing friends either live in the city already and are stuck in leases, or have friends that weren’t looking to move and make less than six figures; be ready to live with random roommates. Websites like Spareroom.com and Roomi will be your best friend in this endeavor. I will also say in the case of Spareroom, the paid account is worth it. All of the listings are front ended with a turn over time, before it’s open season. On spareroom they will display Early Bird on the bottom right corner of these listings. You will not be able to message them for Seven days unless you have a paid account. For this alone it’s worth it, as the apartment I placed a deposit on was actually an early bird listing. Now before I move on to my final suggestion, there is the statement I made earlier about the fact that you will be living with random people. I was lucky, when I went to look one of the new tenants was actually just leaving so I had the opportunity to meet him. One of the major benefits to Spareroom is often times it’s the existing roommates trying to find someone to fill the empty space, this means you’ll have the opportunity to “try them out” and see if they’d mesh with you. You don’t have to be best friends, but remember you will be living with them for the next six months to a year.

Now, for the final suggestion, AVOID! AVOID! AVOID! Brokers and real estate companies unless you are truly desperate. Real estate companies are a pain in the a$$ if i’m being honest. One thing if you are using Spareroom that you will have to look for is companies that are listing their spaces. Now if you’re ready for a lot of garbage treatment, and are prepared to deal with that feel free to contact these companies. I will tell you my experiences with them were less than appealing though. First, they only deal in text messaging, not once did any of them ever call me to speak to me about the places I was inquiring on. Further, twice I’d made the trip to the city to see spaces on Metro North Railroad, only to have the companies cancel on me within an hour of the scheduled viewing time. Be ready to waste your time if dealing with these groups. Now in the case of brokers, these people at least show up, but the fees are astronomical, and in my experience they often showed places with absurd requirements in order to move in, one particularly ridiculous one being a required two months ago’s rent, last months rent, this month, and a deposit in order to move in. For reference, I would have cleaned out my savings on that one in its entirety. Unless you are truly desperate I do recommend avoiding both of these situations.

However, all of these things said have fun with it, and try to have patience. Don’t jump on the first place that comes up necessarily. It’s a mistake I nearly made 8 weeks ago, when I jumped on the possibility of living in a place that I honestly don’t think I would have been happy in. Remember that you’re looking for your home for the foreseeable future, you want to not only be comfortable in your home, but in the neighborhood you live in too. You’ll know when the time is right, just don’t let yourself rush it if you don’t have to.

That’s it for this week, Until next time…

Dave

Fanning the Flames of Friendship

“Floral favorites” – 34th & 7th Ave

Well as I said in my last posting this week’s will be of a more substantial nature. I do deliver on my promises when I can. Even still, the post will likely be shorter than “Fleeting Friendships“. Unfortunately, with that post I set the bar unintentionally high and will probably have difficulty keeping up with that moving forward (whoops). This weeks posting will again be about friendships but from a much different standpoint.

You wouldn’t think it, but it does certainly still feel like a very small world despite being in a city of eight million people. As I stated in my initial post a few weeks back; Once I started opening my eyes I was surprised at just how many people I unintentionally ran across in my travels. What surprised me further was the number of people whom have reached out to me wishing to rekindle friendships since I took on the job in Manhattan. Considering, the void i’ve been feeling lately, I can’t say that i’m complaining about that either.

Friends and Acquaintances from all walks of my life began to emerge from the woodwork. People that i’d known all this time lived in the city, people that it had been surprisingly difficult to see prior to this job; despite them only being a few hours away by train. Friends from High School, Friends from College, Friends from my time working at the college, all began to reach out. Given that it’s only been a few weeks, obviously I haven’t even begun to see them all yet. But, upon my taking up permanent residence in the city it will likely become much easier to revitalize those friendships.

Some of the people reaching out surprised me, and others not so much. Some of the friendships felt a little odd at first, others felt like nothing had changed at all. One friendship in particular that i’m particularly glad has been revitalized as of all of this, was a friendship with someone I knew well in high school. She’s been a confidante, and a wonderful influence these past few weeks. A few weeks in which I’ve dealt with sweeping changes to my entire life, career wise, social life wise, that I haven’t been able to parse through on my own. She and I have had the opportunity to hang out a couple of times since I started my employment in the city, and I am thankful that after all of these years, she is still as steadfast of a friend as she was in high school.

Another pair of friends I’ve been lucky to have these past few weeks aren’t really a re-connection, or a revitalization, but i’d be remiss to not talk about them. When I took on my new job, I still had no place to live, and while I could have commuted from my parents house, I was looking at about five hours out of my day. Luckily, my two friends, now temporary roommates offered up a room in their own home for me to stay in. Cleaning it out, giving me all the space I needed, they’ve made me feel welcome in their home, and even helped me rekindle some of my older hobbies that I hadn’t touched in a while. I can’t thank them enough for the kindness, and the accommodation that they’ve presented me with by welcoming me into their home; for that I will be eternally grateful.

Considering all of the above, these past few weeks have shown me that exciting things lie ahead of me. That I will have friends to support me through the changes, and journey ahead of me working, and eventually living in the City that Never Sleeps. It has shown me that when you close a door, a new path is placed ahead of you, one with infinite and endless possibilities. I’ve just begun a wonderful waltz, a game of chess, with a fresh board and pieces yet to be moved. To quote a line from one of my favorite TV series “Person of Interest” it an episode called “If-Then-Else” in it programmer Harold Finch is teaching “The Machine” (an A.I.) he designed how to play chess. In the process he gives the following speech…

Each possible move represents a different game, a different universe in which you make a better move. By the second move there are seventy-two thousand and eighty four possible games, by the third, nine million, and by the fourth, three hundred and eighteen billion. There are more possible games of chess than there are atoms in the universe, no one could possibly predict them all, even you. Which means that, that first move can be terrifying… It’s the furthest point from the end of the game, there’s a virtually infinite sea of possibilities between you and the other side. But it also means that if you make a mistake, there’s a nearly infinite amount of ways to fix it. So you should simply relax, and play…

Harold Finch, If-Then-Else “Person of Interest” S4E11

While life should never be considered a game as it is finite, the quote still stands on its legs. I’ve made the first move by taking this job in Manhattan, and from this point I just need to continue to make moves. Its okay if I make a mistake, as each one will present me with a new path, and new choices to make. Choices in which I can attempt to fix that mistake, and continue to move forward. Step by step, day by day…

That’s all for this week.

Until next time…

Dave

A Waxing Mindset

“The Helix” – Hudson Yards/34th Street

This week’s post is going to be short. I’ve got a lot of topics to choose from and a lot of topics to write about moving forward, but i’m struggling to find the words this week. As such, I’ve decided to take a short respite from writing this week. Last week’s topic flowed nicely without difficulty, but as such this week has be fraught with struggle. It’s a balance that isn’t easy to maintain and hopefully moving forward i’ll have a little less difficulty coming up with the words to purvey what I want to.

In lieu of a topic, i’ll give a brief update about my life so far. Working in Manhattan has been an experience, every day is an adventure, and something new is always around the corner. My new job is fantastic, and the department heads, and my co-workers have been wholeheartedly supportive. I will do well here, I’m confident in that fact. The apartment search has had it’s share of difficulties but I’m still looking, and I’m hopeful for an October 1st move in somewhere in one of the boroughs. I’ve also had the delight of reconnecting with some good friends since taking the job in Manhattan, and I hope to continue reconnecting with friends that have been out of my life for a while. Overall, the job has been a boon to my life. We will always of course have our struggles, but that’s just part of the journey.

Next week, I will hopefully be in a more creative mindset, and able to write accordingly. Fotograph Friday, and Snippet Sunday will still be posted this week at their normal times. Have a great week all.

Until next time…

Dave

Fleeting Friendships

An ethereal view – Hudson Yards/34th

As I had alluded to in last weeks social media posting, I will be taking a break from the typical look at my new life in Manhattan to talk about another topic that has been on the forefront of my mind lately. It’s one I feel that many of us will be able to relate to on some level, and it will be a deeply personal topic for me to talk about. This week we are talking about maintaining friendships as an adult, how different personalities might handle those friendships (specifically my own), and the truth about your feelings when you, or a friend leaves you behind.

When we are young, friendships come much more readily. Often times just proximity to people lead you to become friends with them. Sometimes those friends become permanent fixtures in your life, much like some of my friends from elementary school that I still talk to. Others, may have been fleeting, in your life at one part, and out at another. Friendships, as an adult have an an unfortunate tendency towards the latter of the two. What’s worse, in my experiences so far, it’s much harder to make those friendships as an adult. Confidence, Anxiety, Common Interests, all play a much more integral role in the process as an adult, much more than our childhood counterparts. Friendships as an adult also have a tendency to be harder to maintain, busy lives, other friendships, politics, all have an impact on the companions we keep.

To go even further in depth, one can even look at the personality types each individual might have. Certain personality types, have a tendency to get along best with certain other personality types. I’m only going to get into the basics of my particular personality type today, but if you are interested in learning more there will be a link at the end of today’s post that will bring you to a test you can take. I’ve taken the test several times over the years, and it’s fascinating to watch how the results of that test changed over time. When I first took the exam, I came back classified as a “Defender” or ISFJ-T, I used to be extremely introverted, to the point that I fell into this defender classification. As time went on however, over the course of several years, and teaching classes to students where I worked, I became more outgoing. The last time I took the exam I was reclassified as “The Protagonist”, ENFJ-T, and no it doesn’t mean that i’m self centered. The protagonist is defined as follows

Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

Protagonist Personality. (n.d.). Retrieved August 14, 2019, from https://www.16personalities.com/enfj-personality

Now that you know a bit about the basics, lets focus on the protagonist and it’s friendships…

Protagonists are active friends, and do nothing half assed. We genuinely take interest in getting to know people. Protagonists want to be the best version of a friend they possibly can. Protagonists want to see their friends succeed, and willing give their own time to help see those friends succeed. However, as a protagonist this means we have difficult dealing with personality types who are more interested in the moment, then the future, or those whom are firmly assertive, those whom are content with who they are and lack any kind of desire for self-improvement. Protagonists as a result can be EXTREMELY critical, and it can cause them to push people away. Looking at even just the basics, I can easily see all of these traits in myself the good and the bad. Personalities are a fascinating thing, and I do generally have difficulty navigating friendships with those whom live in the moment. Having to recuse myself often, from saying more critical things, that might cause those people to drift further away.

But, sometimes, despite our best intentions that drift is inevitable. Much as the snap was in Avengers: Infinity War (Don’t you be screaming spoilers, it’s been well over a year now). Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, how much we give our friends, our all; It just isn’t enough. Sometimes, those friends are just realizing that you are too different; perhaps those friends are growing in a direction, where you are no longer the best thing for them, or maybe just maybe you are the one drifting. Regardless of reason, there’s one thing I can say with certainty, it’s going to hurt like hell. But I’m realizing that’s okay, pain is part of the process of living; without sorrow, we cannot know joy, without anger, we cannot know patience, without mistakes, we cannot learn. One thing I really want to drive home though, is no matter how much you hurt, no matter how much you are going to want to blame yourself, to think that maybe there was something you could have done. The honest truth is, there wasn’t, this is all just part of the process of life, you weren’t part of the problem, and even if you were; the foundation to weather it just wasn’t there then. Sometimes, friendships are made to last forever, to weather the darkest of storms like the lighthouses of old. Other times, they are fleeting like the cool winds off the ocean at dusk. Whatever the case, you must never forget that you are good enough, and that sometimes, things are just as fleeting as the wind.

That’s it for this week, next week we return to normally scheduled programming.

Until next time…

Dave

As I stated earlier I was going to post a link to a personality test, if you are interested in learning more please check it out.

16 Personalities