Moderating a Manhattan Meetup.

Lunch in the Flatiron District with my Aunt

I know I’m a bit behind this week, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks now that i’m dealing with the move in to Sunnyside. Work has also kept me busy which doesn’t help honestly (not that I’m complaining about the job, I do love it). I haven’t had time to dive into my photography recently for the same reasons. I’ve been diving into trying to furnish my apartment, I need to buy a new bed frame, a new mattress, a new desk, a curio cabinet, curtains, and so much more. It’s proving to be a pricey undertaking thus far.

But I’ve digressed for long enough this week. It’s time to deal with the topic at hand, it’s pretty spot on so far. In the last two weeks I’ve taken on a new undertaking, the task of moderating a NYC Meetup Discord server. One of the things that i’d been worried about when it came to meeting new friends in Manhattan was the how of it? I have some existing friends in the area already but for the most part they’re all as busy as I am. When it comes to free time, they barely have the time to hangout with me, no less introduce me to new people. Here enters our lovely front page of the internet, Reddit. An unlikely tool in the task of making new friendships, it’s been a godsend, especially considering I recently gave up all social media (A post about all of that to come soon). It is actually what lead to me moderating this discord server. For the uninitiated, Reddit is a series of topic driven pages in this particular case we are talking about a subpage or a subreddit called nycmeetups. This Reddit group allows users to post meetup opportunities, or in this case a discord server.

This discord server now houses nearly 400 New Yorkers across the six different boroughs. It’s allowed people whom would otherwise never had the opportunity to chat, not only do that but plan meetups of an impromptu nature and physically meet up and hangout. So far, I’ve met up with some at bars, gone and played pool with others, and hit up the Queens Night Fair with another group. It allowed me to find people to attend the Gareth Emery show with in October, and has helped me find friends who enjoy hanging out with me when I want to hang out with them. It’s been a breath of fresh air, and being moderator adds a level of notoriety to go along with all of this. People know who I am before I even meet up with them because they’ve communicated with me to have channels made within the server, and I’ve had an overwhelming presence in chatting.

So, if you are like me, and you are wondering about the best ways to make friends in your new locale, whether that be New York City, Chicago or Austin my suggestion is make a Reddit account, and start finding the local meetup subreddits. If no one has made one, figure out how to start it! If no one has created a discord server, administrate one, help facilitate friendships, and you’ll end up with a plethora of your own. A mistake is better than indecision, and I can assure you putting yourself out there is not a mistake, the indecision on acting, that is.

A shorter post this week, but hopefully the message is clear, put yourself out there, and start making new friendships. It only hurts you to close yourself off to the world, be happy, and happiness will find you.

Hopefully I can get on a more regular schedule again next week, I’ll be taking a short respite from a strictly NYC topic to actually speak to the topic of hobbies, i’ll even be interviewing a close friend of mine for the post!

Until next time…

Dave

Fleeting Friendships

An ethereal view – Hudson Yards/34th

As I had alluded to in last weeks social media posting, I will be taking a break from the typical look at my new life in Manhattan to talk about another topic that has been on the forefront of my mind lately. It’s one I feel that many of us will be able to relate to on some level, and it will be a deeply personal topic for me to talk about. This week we are talking about maintaining friendships as an adult, how different personalities might handle those friendships (specifically my own), and the truth about your feelings when you, or a friend leaves you behind.

When we are young, friendships come much more readily. Often times just proximity to people lead you to become friends with them. Sometimes those friends become permanent fixtures in your life, much like some of my friends from elementary school that I still talk to. Others, may have been fleeting, in your life at one part, and out at another. Friendships, as an adult have an an unfortunate tendency towards the latter of the two. What’s worse, in my experiences so far, it’s much harder to make those friendships as an adult. Confidence, Anxiety, Common Interests, all play a much more integral role in the process as an adult, much more than our childhood counterparts. Friendships as an adult also have a tendency to be harder to maintain, busy lives, other friendships, politics, all have an impact on the companions we keep.

To go even further in depth, one can even look at the personality types each individual might have. Certain personality types, have a tendency to get along best with certain other personality types. I’m only going to get into the basics of my particular personality type today, but if you are interested in learning more there will be a link at the end of today’s post that will bring you to a test you can take. I’ve taken the test several times over the years, and it’s fascinating to watch how the results of that test changed over time. When I first took the exam, I came back classified as a “Defender” or ISFJ-T, I used to be extremely introverted, to the point that I fell into this defender classification. As time went on however, over the course of several years, and teaching classes to students where I worked, I became more outgoing. The last time I took the exam I was reclassified as “The Protagonist”, ENFJ-T, and no it doesn’t mean that i’m self centered. The protagonist is defined as follows

Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

Protagonist Personality. (n.d.). Retrieved August 14, 2019, from https://www.16personalities.com/enfj-personality

Now that you know a bit about the basics, lets focus on the protagonist and it’s friendships…

Protagonists are active friends, and do nothing half assed. We genuinely take interest in getting to know people. Protagonists want to be the best version of a friend they possibly can. Protagonists want to see their friends succeed, and willing give their own time to help see those friends succeed. However, as a protagonist this means we have difficult dealing with personality types who are more interested in the moment, then the future, or those whom are firmly assertive, those whom are content with who they are and lack any kind of desire for self-improvement. Protagonists as a result can be EXTREMELY critical, and it can cause them to push people away. Looking at even just the basics, I can easily see all of these traits in myself the good and the bad. Personalities are a fascinating thing, and I do generally have difficulty navigating friendships with those whom live in the moment. Having to recuse myself often, from saying more critical things, that might cause those people to drift further away.

But, sometimes, despite our best intentions that drift is inevitable. Much as the snap was in Avengers: Infinity War (Don’t you be screaming spoilers, it’s been well over a year now). Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, how much we give our friends, our all; It just isn’t enough. Sometimes, those friends are just realizing that you are too different; perhaps those friends are growing in a direction, where you are no longer the best thing for them, or maybe just maybe you are the one drifting. Regardless of reason, there’s one thing I can say with certainty, it’s going to hurt like hell. But I’m realizing that’s okay, pain is part of the process of living; without sorrow, we cannot know joy, without anger, we cannot know patience, without mistakes, we cannot learn. One thing I really want to drive home though, is no matter how much you hurt, no matter how much you are going to want to blame yourself, to think that maybe there was something you could have done. The honest truth is, there wasn’t, this is all just part of the process of life, you weren’t part of the problem, and even if you were; the foundation to weather it just wasn’t there then. Sometimes, friendships are made to last forever, to weather the darkest of storms like the lighthouses of old. Other times, they are fleeting like the cool winds off the ocean at dusk. Whatever the case, you must never forget that you are good enough, and that sometimes, things are just as fleeting as the wind.

That’s it for this week, next week we return to normally scheduled programming.

Until next time…

Dave

As I stated earlier I was going to post a link to a personality test, if you are interested in learning more please check it out.

16 Personalities

Snippet Sunday # 1

Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candor.

Tom Hanks

This week’s snippet Sunday is a quote from the wonderful Tom Hanks. He speaks to a truth about the nature of our relationships. He warns against closing one self off to the world just because our relationships can be messy. It’s a lesson that I time and time again am taught through the relationships I keep in my life, and in all honesty, i’d rather deal with the mess, then to allow myself to live alone. In a city of 8 million people, i’m excited to see the possibilities of current and future relationships. That’s all for today. Check in again Tuesday for the weekly post.